We’ve all had rough days in our lives, sometimes “rough days” doesn’t quite describe circumstances completely. “I’ve had a f&%$ing sh&%$ year” some may say even. But one thing you’re bound to hear if you have good optimistic friends or relatives (or religious ones perhaps), is that “everything happens for a reason, even if you cannot see it at this moment” or something similar to that.
True that, everything does happen for a reason, but not necessarily is the reason you want. What if you were fired from your job not because you could get a better one, but because your boss promised a position in the company for his nephew? Hearing someone optimisticly say that everything happens for a reason can be something really discouraging for some who may find themselves in a really sh&%$ situation.
It is common for us as social creatures to seek comfort in the form of advice from those we chose to care about. But let’s face it, most of us suck at comforting. Some wouldn’t be able to do it even if their lives depended on it. But that’s not our fault, not completely at least.
What would you say to someone who just lost his job? “Don’t worry you’ll find something better”, “They don’t know what they are missing, you’re better without them”, or maybe “You didn’t like your job anyway”. And most of the times this are phrases commonly said to someone who recently lost his job, but what if it were you? What if you were the one hearing these phrases from a friend or relative? Do you think hearing them would make you feel better? I know I wouldn’t.
And then, someone comes along, apparently with high comforting skills and hits you with the “everything happens for a reason” bull&%$#. Everything does happen for a reason, but that doesn’t mean it will be something good for you, or lasting.
Take for example a healthy man who loves his family and has a good job, where he isn’t exposed to any dangers, has great pay and is loved by everyone he meets. A man of virtue, an example for society. This man wakes up early and goes to his job, granted, he spends a lot of time at work, but it is simple enough for someone with his skills and his office is actually a very nice place. Every day people come to him whenever a decision has to be made, and he is outstandingly good at deciding alternatives which benefit both the company and the employees. Once he gets home he actually spends time with his children, at least an hour or two, shares his day with his wife and well… basically a very good life.
Until one day, this man starts feeling tired, unable to rest and his throat burns at nights. Not long after he goes to the doctor and is diagnosed with cancer…
This man did everything to keep on living and more even to ensure the well being of his family. But as it often happens, his company forgot about him, only few of his friends kept contact, and even with latest medication he could barely keep active half of a day. After 4 years of struggling with his illness, it was already too much, and his body gives in.
Everything happens for a reason, but what GOOD reason could there be for this man to have ended the way he did? Some may say that his family will have the opportunity to be somewhere different where something even better than the life they had may happen, and even though it is a possibility, it still remains the fact that this man’s life was lost. Not even lost, you could say he got fu&%$ by life.
What would you say to a man like him? “Everything will be alright”? “You will get better”?
In the end, life happens, sometimes according to what we do, but some other times we have no control over what happens and NO, it doesn’t mean whatever happens would benefit YOU. This may be my personal belief, but I do think that once we face the fact that we’re not special, that life doesn’t care if we’re happy or not, then and only then we will be able to approach our life and deal with it as best as we can. There’s nothing wrong in trying to find reason, but don’t cling to that idea, rather think what you can do now that possibilities are changing.
We may not always have control over what happens to us, but we do have control over how we decide to face those happenings. This man, my father, he chose to smile to us until the last of his days.
Everything happens for a reason, but it doesn’t matter, what matters is what you make out of it.